What is Love?

My baby isn't a baby anymore

My baby girl isn't a baby anymore! :S J <3 

Ananta Malaya turned 3 on gregorian june 3rd...and 3, to me, means the official entry to childhood.

In my world I feel its important to mark important milestones in life with a "rite of passage," so I celebrated her in a slightly larger way this year. And while it didn’t happen exactly as I originally pictured it to be...it was the perfect birthday #3. J

Traditionally, in Mexico, when a child turns 3 parents have a (Catholic) mass held in the name of the boy/girl; in some parts of the country it probably would've been a Temazcal. I am sure in other cultures there is some kind of celebration to mark the transition from infancy to childhood as well...maybe a naming ceremony, the first haircut, etc...

For the sake of comparison…moons before, I dreamed up throwing this big party in the garden-front of our apartment building, inviting all the important adults in her life along with her little friends from daycare; maybe even the neighbors we don’t know so well. There was to be games, non-candy giveaways (aka bolos), clowns and acrobatic entertainment…basically, the whole shebang.

Closer to the date, I instead planned for a Dolphin Encounter for Ananta & myself, where at the same time our housemates would be doing the Dolphin Swim Adventure. I imagined the entire PV family would be with us (which is not a lot…that’s just my mom, brother, sister, and nephew), all of us having some fun in the sun at the waterpark afterwards. This was to be on the sun-day before her b-day. I still kept dreaming about having a traditional piñata + choco-flan cake + bolos at daycare on her birthday itself…

Come the day itself though, this is what really happened: it was just Ananta & I that went to the waterpark, and when we were done enjoying the kiddie pool after our dolphin swim, my sister & mom picked us up. Later we all had lunch with my nephew, and Ananta blew the candle of her sprinkle-topped cupcake at my sister’s house. (I <3 family!)

happy 3rd

blow your candle out, baby-cakes!

On the day of her birthday itself, I dressed her up in a long/princessy type dress. In school Ananta blew the #3 candle of a 3-leches cake a friend had bought her. There was also a Tinkerbell piñata and another clown one, filled with candies I would never have thought of buying myself (courtesy of a friend), while the bolos I prepared for the kids were filled with candies I chose myself. The ones for the teachers were specially made star-shaped cookies made by our Russian friend...with a note thanking them for being part of "A&a Village" (re: IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD)

the long, princessy dress

little fairies

–—*** After the piñata at daycare, I sat-in in Ananta's class activities...seeing her in action/observing the teacher + their activities. I played with the kids...sitting on the mat, being silly, letting my daughter paint my face, joking around with the other kids, versus "just watching them" until cake was finally served.

It was a blast! To see how each child is different in the way they interact and participate was an eye-opener…and of course I was proud to see that my Little One is actually one of those kids that follows instructions, and even helps her buddies after she’s done doing her part! (I guess not all have developed the necessary skills to do the activity yet, or some kids just don’t do the activity at all!J)

***

Ananta's bday #3 was a very made-up rite of passage...but it was very meaningful and important to me as I wanted to celebrate her in a way that I hope she will remember when she is older. But more than that...a celebration of 3 years of her life is, for me, is also a commemoration of 3 years of Motherhood.

So...a belated happy birthday to you, Love-Bug...and happy 3rd year of Mothering to me!

Thanks for being part of your village.J

let the Child Inside come out & play

So I am only now writing about the 10^th moon midway through the 11^th…to say I was out of it last month is a bit of an understatement. (Manifestation is still not something I am very good at…airy Sagittarius + lines on my hands + birth chart + good old laziness = lousy manifester. :S)

In the concrete world I didn’t really call anything into being…but as I look back, I somehow managed to churn up some interesting insights from my experience (interesting for me, at least).

I realize that sometimes, manifesting doesn’t necessarily mean coming up with a solid result you can see in the physical realm…sometimes it is just having an understanding of what is apparent/evident/observable. According to Word’s thesaurus, manifest (v.) = establish...so, in a sense, manifestation can be seen as a revelation of what is being demonstrated/expressed in the cycles of your life. There’s no way you can perfect (verb, as in improve/refine etc) what you do if you can’t observe yourself and point out patterns/repeated lessons that need to either be changed/improved/cultivated.

I hope this 1.) makes sense, and 2.) you find something of value here.

Happy gregorian weekend! :)

Tenth Moon: Planetary Moon of Manifestation (April 4-May 1)

Totem animal: Dog

How do I perfect what I do?

1. Refine your intentions

2. Do the things you do everyday differently – this might seem contradictory to the process of perfecting something, but I figure…you’ll never know if there is a better way to do something if you keep on doing the same damn thing everyday!

3. Go beyond visualizing with your mind’s eye & see your dreams slowly start to take place – out of nowhere, decided to enter a store I often pass by, and saw a Buddha statue that will later adorn my future altar/study table.

4. Polarize, be challenged, and accept defeat if needed…but don’t lose the lesson – wrote about this

5. Its better than ok to not do nothing – Did nothing with Ananta, on her 2.11^th … and loved every minute of it <3

6. Do what is asked of you

7. Back others up when they’re falling behind – it’s not always about you and what you have to do…other people exist too, and sometimes they need help

8. Catch up on your pendings

9. Let your hands do the healing (give a loved one a massage & write with a PEN ON PAPER) – it is through the hands that we have a means of accomplishment, molding our dreams into physical form...when we seek to accomplish in service of the Earth and all living beings, every action becomes an act of healing. (Dreamspell reflections - download it here)

10. Keep on dreamin!

11. Have a relationship with yourself – dirty-mindedness aside, touch yourself for once! :)

12. Do something outrageous – go to the circus! (Ananta’s first ever…my first as a Mom!)

13. Reflect on your outrageousness or lack thereof – wrote about this

14. Go all out! – Dance around Life and you can’t go wrong

15. Trust your instincts (never let them take your fangs away)

16. | born free, live free | – don’t live in a cage…or worse, raise your kids in one!

17. Re-occupy your body…tame those thoughts

18. Take a nap (rest is a must)

19. You were born perfect…so let the Child Inside come out & play <3 – saw Toy Story 3 for the first time, then had a playdate with Ananta and all her toys, the soonest after possible :)

20. Wake up and be grateful

21. Let go of what has been holding you back – you can’t get better if you’re always carrying the weight of what went wrong

22. Be there

23. You can fly! – yeeeeaaaars after…saw Walt Disney’s Peter Pan again!

24. Imperfect = I’m perfect

25. Rest & re-connect

26. Be ready for random – spur-of-the-moment malecon-date with Ananta…corn in a cup for dinner, yo!

27. The World IS what I think It Is – everything in your experience started out as some kind of thought…it might not be the exact same thing you imagined it to be…but it is there because you thought it so. (Its kind of like a spin on I think, therefore I am)

28. Catch up with people that matter – sushi date with T

Life Lessons from the Incredible Chinese Circus

Two days ago Ananta and I went to the circus. It was called El Increible Circo Chino, Los Niños de Oro de Beijing. It was her first time to go to the circus as a child, and my first time to go as a Mom…it was fun overall, but it was also an unexpected learning experience…

A&a @ the circus

Considering it was called “The Incredible Chinese Circus,” it was a little bit strange to see a beautiful blonde girl dancing in the air (telas) as the first act of the night… it was amazing all the same. I've seen better performances for free in the park right in front of our home, but I am always awestruck at how graceful those ladies are, despite the amount of strength and force they have to exert to be held up high in the air in such elegant poses…still smiling, toes pointed (or flexed, depending on what they’re doing), every part of their body activated so they can get to the next mid-air asana, in such a fluid manner. 

I don’t think the first time I saw a performance like that was as a child, but I've always been enchanted by the graceful acrobats I've seen as an adult, thinking…I wanna be able to do that someday. Once or twice I got free lessons from ex-neighbors who studied Artes Cirquenses (Circus Arts) in a school run by one of the original members of the Cirque du Soleil, but for one reason or another, I didn't persevere.

I thought I did the whole shebang on circus night…I got us golden-side tickets, we ate cotton candy (another Ananta first) and a big bag of popcorn, got our picture taken, and nearly rode a pony (lil’A chickened out at the last minute though :) ). I didn't actually…because I was just regretting that I didn't buy the picture they took of Ananta & I.
I clearly remember when I double-thought it though. “Should I?”
My brain immediately shouted “No! It’s too expensive,” while my Heart faintly whispered “Do it! Even if it’s not the perfect picture, it will be a beautiful memento.” Now I’m like “I love you…but you’re an idiot. You just missed out on having a printed photograph (versus a digital file, like all the other pictures we now have) of your virgin-visit to the circus as mother&daughter, while Ananta was eating blue cotton candy for the first time, all because it cost $50pesos ($5usd).”

I know, boo me for being a cheap-o…and I thought I went all out. :S

Another thing I was regretting was hesitating on a free invitation to see the circus again.
By the end of it, as Ananta and I were the last ones to leave the sala, the announcer came up to us and asked if we enjoyed the show. I said yes, mentioning Ananta has been to a telas class once. I think I was really just deflecting my own amazement for that act. “O yeah?” He said, “Be my guest next time you want to come back”.
There again, was that moment of hesitation.
Paranoid/ego-centric-me was like “Holy shit, He’s flirting with you!” All I could do was smile shyly, say thank you, and try to leave right away. 

Ananta aero-dancin' it

OMG! Have I really forgotten to Go All Out & Flirt Around Life??? When I was in college I used to think being that carefree and flirting were the fun-est things ever! (after going to gigs and rockin’ out to live music) It was harmless if you wanted it to be, or it could get wild and crazy. It made me feel so alive, and there was this living-on-the-edge feeling that required you to always be confident in every step of the way.

I have an idea about why things have changed since then…but if there’s anything that I got out of kicking myself in the ass for a couple of minutes last night, it’s that you should never forget to Go All Out and Flirt Around Life…it will only go as far as you want it to. (If it’s only a free ticket to the circus, then it’s a free ticket to the circus...if it’s one telas class versus training for real and actually learning, then it’s just the one class and nothing more).

Dance around Life, baby…and you can’t go wrong.

ab ab ab

Yesterday Ananta was asking me about what I liked most about the circus (I said the acrobats), and when I asked her in return, she said the tigers.

There were 3 Sumatran tigers. They were magnificent, but it was a pretty sad act. The medium-sized one was the one that struck me the most; it was the only one that still had it's fangs. It didn't look it was very happy to be in the circus, so while it obeyed the ringmaster’s commands (although not always right away), it did so with a defiant look – mouth wide open, fangs very visible, and fierce feline eyes.
The largest, strangely, was also the most obedient one. That one definitely didn't have his fangs anymore - he opened his mouth a couple of times. Perhaps they took them out to tame him, which was heartbreaking…it was like he had re-signed himself to a life he didn't want to live because he had no fangs anymore. (Well duh, if they ever put him back in the wild, which I doubt, how will he find food without them?!)
I’m not so sure if the smallest one had fangs or not, it never opened its mouth...perhaps because it’s been in the circus since it was a cub so it doesn't really know what it’s like to be wild.

ab ab ab

Sometimes the greatest lessons you learn in life come to you when your heart breaks. I didn't cry a river on circus night, in fact, I had a lot of fun. But while it was amazing to see the tigers so close, it also broke my heart. Witnessing their act reminded me to always trust your instincts (never EVER let them take your fangs away).
One more thing...don't raise your cubs in a cage. I know it’s a jungle out there, but that’s where they should be to learn the ways of this wild, wild world…it’s the only way their tiger spirits shine through their eyes, even if they never get to know the jungle.

Gatu-bella

Once upon a time, in the desert, I Fell In Love. In that journey I learned that Love is free, and Love is respect.
Later, with another, love was cruel and it hurt…but, the same one also gifted me with the kind that is Boundless and Knows No End.
Through the years I've learned that Love is passionate and about compassion.
It is tempered despite temptations.
Love is silent.
And sometimes, love drives you crazy you can’t stand it.

Pushkin, our feline friend, is in-Love.
There is this slender black cat that comes to visit him every night, and eats his food. He patiently waits for that pussy, purring for her, and when she finally comes he licks her chest and playfully bites at her neck.
Poor little guy. What he doesn't know is that she probably does that to all the other cats in the block…let them nip at her in exchange for a bit of their kibble; and she has no plans of staying.

I feel so drawn to that beautiful black cat though.
One night she dropped by and from behind the balcony’s sliding glass door her big, light-yellow eyes shone through…it was like Love at first sight all over again.

Once I caught her inside the house rummaging through the trash. I’m sure that as soon as she heard my first step she was already heading for the door…by the time I got outside she was already running down the same staircase where I first saw Pushkin, hot and hurt, or so he seemed to me.

It started out with a little bit of Water.
I filled up a 5-gallon bottle cap and set it behind him as I rushed out to catch the afternoon bus. By the time I got home that night A&a had already taken him in.
I’ll confess.
The first night I left him outside the front door because I was annoyed he kept on scratching the Yoga mats while I burnt the midnight oil writing in my journal.
The next day he was gone.
When Ananta woke and I told her that the cat had left, she was heartbroken. I felt so bad when I saw that sad look on her face…and then all I could do was wish for it to come back.
A day later he did. And on his first official night home was when I saw the Black One.

Since then I've been back-and-forthing as to how I feel about having a cat.
He’s pretty damn smart…he goes potty in the shower.
(To litterbox or not to litterbox? That is the question)
The toughest one so far is dealing with how I feel about him on the bed. I think he pretty much knows he’s not supposed to hop on, after the million times I've pushed him off…he must've gotten it by now.
Or, for all I know he does anyway when I’m not looking, or when the kids let him…

I’m working on it though.
It’s the first time I've adopted a cat and I’m adapting…one thing I realized from a recent Love-challenge is that Pushkin is a Life after all, no less than the trees or the stars, or my daughter, whom I love without end.

Tonight I left food out for her, that pretty, black pussy that Pushkin purrs for at night.
As I caress his back, he falls asleep waiting; and when she finally comes I do not stir.
I sat silently as he watched her eat. Later, he let her come in…I wonder what other hokey-pokey happens when there are no voyeurs around.

Mmm…
I hope you get a little bit of lovin' tonight, Pushkin. (So at least someone in this house will)
You’re free to choose whom to love and I respect that, because I do, at the end of the day - this one in particular; love you.

how do i attain my purpose?

Ninth Moon: Solar Moon of Intention (March 7-April 3)

Totem animal: Jaguar

How do I attain my purpose?

So in the 13-moon calendar that I follow today is the last day of the 9th moon/month. It’s called the ninth Solar Moon of Intention and it always corresponds to Gregorian March 7^th-Apirl 3^rd. The totem animal is a Jaguar, and the “guide question” for the month is How do I attain my purpose?  

This was a very good question to ask/answer at this point in my life… because not too long ago I started to ACTIVELY ENGAGE my Work in the World.

Ok…let’s pause for a moment…because that sentence all of a sudden seemed very vague to me. Because now that I think about it; I’m not really sure when I started to do this “actively engaging” stuff…

Was it when I first had a vision of being the Mother of the Next Enlightened One (which extended on to thinking that every child born at this day and age could be the next Buddha/Jesus/Mohammed etc)?

Maybe it was when I became a Mother myself…

Was it when instead of pushing through with Yoga teacher training (YTT) I took the Agents of Conscious Evolution course offered by Barbara Marx Hubbard, one of the leading rEvolutionary thinkers alive at this time?

Or, was it when I did the first part of YTT, or when I completed it almost a year after I started?

I first thought it was when I was so breathless thinking about how to step into my new “Yoga Teacher shoes” (you don’t really use shoes in the shala J), that I decided to get help from a Life Purpose mentor.

But maybe…it was when I was around 6 years old that I said my ambition in life was to be a Saint. It kind of still is…Mary, the mother of Jesus, is a saint, right? (I was raised a Catholic)

And what of this “Work in the World?” What does that even mean??? Why the capital letters?

See…there was something that I didn’t put in the list of the last moon’s I BELIEVE IN list.

I believe that each Human alive at this time is here, on planet Earth, for a reason. Not many of us were actually planned by our parents, but it is no accident that we are all here. Each One.

There is Something in you that, when you were born into this world, at some later point in your life, needs to be born through you.

I’m not talking about having kids (although for me, being Ananta Malaya’s mom is an essential “ingredient” for my Something). I’m talking about a Life Project. A Legacy. Your Reason for Being. A Life Purpose. Your Unique and Essential Gift. A Cause. A Dream. Your Divine Role in the World.  A Soul Calling. Call It what you want…but for now I am calling it my Work in the World.

I’m not really sure how I came to use this term, but having been around people who really walk their talk as to their Life Purpose (that which they were born for, and that which they choose)…I see how their Soul Calling permeates EVERY part of their being – how they live & talk, what they eat & do, how they pray, and most importantly (& courageously), what they do for a living is (also the how they earn a living, but what really struck me is the what). This is what has been so inspiring to me.

I’m really lucky, you know. Somehow, in some way, I have come across and learned from world-class rEvolutionaries, successful and inspiring teachers, and most recently…a big-hearted mentor that just didn’t give up on me - I didn’t realize what kind of a commitment actively engaging my Work in the World would involve! (So even while I was coach-whoring it all over the place and I almost ended a wonderful working relationship…that person believed in Me, in my Dream, in my Unique & Essential Gift.)

I’m still not entirely certain what my Work in the World will involve (something about Natural Time? Yoga? Moms & kids?)…but that’s why I’m taking the second step in my mentoring process at the Medicine Tree Center. My hope is that we all find that person/community/mentor that will believe in us no matter what, so we can attain our Purpose, step by step, one day at a time.

How do I attain my Purpose?

1. Set clear intentions – Being the Solar Moon of Intention, I thought this should go first J

2. Don’t be too hard on yourself – Have the patience of a seed…trees don’t grow overnight, and neither will your Life Project!

3. Be proud of what you’ve done so far!

4. Do what needs to be done for the day

5. Le yourself be vulnerable to those closest to you

6. Honor your past and those that have walked with you on your journey, and look forward to the future, even if it is without (some of) them – last day of Medicine Circle round 1

7. Communicate –your thoughts, feelings, and most especially your Dream

8. Learn from others who are actually living their Work in the World – read this blogpost

9. Identify your 3MITs (Most Important To-dos) for the day, and pat yourself on the back when you get it all done J

10. Remember: ONE PROJECT AT A TIME – zoning in on finishing Creative Project #1: Making Mothers Visible Puerto Vallarta (MMV-PV)

11. Keep on working on your project (no S – singular!), even if it’s moving at a snail’s pace

12. Give yourself a break and enjoy your day off! – michelada de camaron, yo!J

13. Be financially responsible

14. Prize your efforts

15. Follow UP!

16. Meditate on the Light in you

17. Admit when you’re burnt-out and take steps to nurture yourself <3 – a better version of this is: take care of yourself so you don’t get burn-out!

18. Get emotionally connected to your goals so they’re not just something to check off your To Do list – that was my take away from a session with Mommy Coach T

19. To generate excitement (yours and theirs), update others on your projects – after gaining momentum on MMV-PV, posted on its FB wall

20. Let others help you, eve in you don’t ask out right

21. Bask in the Moonlight – slept on my Yoga mat, under the light of Grandmother Moon…o yeah! J

22. Don’t be scared to take the second step – Heart Transmission received after Sacred Business Intensive Webinar #2

23. Let your Work in the World permeate your daily life – from the time you wake up, on the bus, during your day job (if you’re still not fully immersed in your Work in the World), and until the moment you sleep…

24. Talk about your Vision – even if it sounds crazy (being the Mother of the Next Enlightened One…hello?)...talking about your Vision keeps the fire in your Heart burning, and just might inspire those you’re talking to

25. Take note of the messages in your dreams – dreams aren’t just dreams…they’re messages from the Realm of Mystery

26. Share your experiences, aspirations & plans, and if you must cry while doing so, let the sea within you flow

27. Its unimportant if you don’t know what kind of Tree you’re growing, just keep on tending to the Seed of your Vision – your Work in the World starts will sprout out from the Seed of your Vision…it doesn’t matter if you don’t exactly know what your Humble Offering is…what matters is you cultivate a relationship with your Vision.

28. Know what already supports your Vision, identify where you need help…and take steps to get it! – saying yes to  Medicine Circle 2, yo!

I Believe In...

Eighth Moon: Galactic Moon of Integrity (February 7-March 6)

Do I live what I believe?                                                                   Totem animal: Hawk

To answer this question of whether or not I was living what I believe…first I had to ask myself “What DO I believe?” Let me tell you…it was not the easiest question to answer on a daily basis. J

I BELIEVE IN:

1. My Emotions – Come into terms with your feelings, but don’t drown in them

2. Communication – Say what you feel, or try to at least J

3. The good that Change can bring – Move to a better place (apartment-wise)…even if you don’t have any furniture! J

4. The Wisdom of the Song of Silence – Be still amidst all the changes and movement in your Life

5. The Growth that comes from Letting Go -  Slowly sift through your stuff and disengage with what no longer serves you­

6. The Medicine that comes from your Wounds – Reflect on what has hurt you before, and how you are now stronger because of all of (that sh)it

7. Getting your Shit together J

8. Love – Feel, receive and give Love <3 (Received a flower for Valentine’s Day, for the first time ever!)

9. The Transmissions I receive – tip: write them down right away so you don’t forget in the mundaneness of your day

10. Synchronicity – there is no such thing as coincidence!

11. The wonders of starting your day right –got up at 4.20am and, for the first time since the Move…meditated, then worked, napped, and went to a cocktail party until 10pm (partying gets redefined once you become a parent J)

12. What makes Me feel Alive – get inspired and find ways to keep on being inspired (spoke to Leonie Dawson on the phone!)

13. Energizing with, and through, my Community – Medicine Circle session

14. Speaking the Heart-Mind – with your Beloved, most especially

15. Budgeting and Planning – payday! J

16. Staying in Motion – Do! Do! Do!

17. Feeling yourself alive in that Space You occupy – yummy Yoga hour

18. Strategizing graceful transitions – note that sometimes, the transition plan you came up with won’t turn out how you thought it would (it might actually be the exact opposite)…but be open to what the response to it might be

19. Getting out of your head and into your Heart – throw your plans out the window and give yourSelf time to Do Nothing…living from your Heart is much, much nicer than living from your wishy-washy head!

20. Knowing where You are Now and listening to your Self

21. Holding my ground

22. Asking yourSelf the right questions – and when you get an answer, don’t second guess it! J

23. Learning how to shift to Neutral – with all the changes happening all over the place, knowing how to shift to a Neutral Place is essential

24. Release – can’t receive anything new (and better) if you hold on to the old

25. Laughter being The Best Medicine – share a heartfelt laugh with Loved Ones (that of a child is best kind)

26. Reconnecting with What Matters – be it a person, an idea, or a lesson from an experience…re/connect

27. Being loved & supported, no matter how alone I might feel – just take a deep breath…and you’ll know it’s true

28. Letting It flow – be it Love, loss, creativity, pain, wisdom etc…let it flow <3