4 years in

4 days ago, 4 years of Motherhood.
<3 <3 <3 <3
Ananta Malaya…how you've grown!!!!

I still remember the day you were born…I always will.
A week past your estimated “due date” (as if you were some kind of scientific paper to be submitted, or a book to be returned), I was still very much pregnant!
But you knew better. In your own time, you came. You were out in 3 pushes…we made a good team!
I reckon the excitement of having watched your first movie with your Papi & I (Avatar) prodded you to come out…you are growing up to be quite the movie-buff just like him!

On your first year of life we celebrated you on the banks of the Nogalito River. A lovely Priestess honored us by officiating your water ceremony. You…our bouncing Buddha-baby, that same day baptized, were surrounded by a Circle of Love and Blessings from me - your Mami, Papi, your beloved family, and godparents. (The after-party was at your padrino Edgar’s pool.)

Year 2 came by quickly…no longer a baby for bidding the bottle and diaper goodbye, and yet, you were still barely a young child! This time we had lunch, cake and some pool-time in a cafe called Co-Exist. Indeed, as we opened our Hearts and Home to another, we learned how to that year.

At 3, once again just you & I, the world changed as words came pouring in. You could already speak your name, recognize 3 tongues, and you delighted in knowing what everything was. You had your first piñata party at day-care (with candy giveaways to match…so much sugar, oh my!), and just you and I…we swam with a dolphin and played at the (water)park.

This year you turned 4.

Four. 
The most basic measure of the natural cycles of time; the defining structure of any natural construct.

You are now complete within yourself, defining your own reality through fantasy and play. You now bring your creative visions into existence by defining the form in which they are to be constructed. Eg: This is how the game goes - the meerkat (whom you lovingly Zorrito, when it is really a suricata) is best friends with the cow (whose name is Vaquita, of course); or in this story, the kitten hatches from an egg and isn't born from the Mommy-Cat.

My gentle, Little Warrior…you are growing up to be bolder day by day! You can discern between choices now, and have certain preferences sometimes different than mine! How lovely it is to see! (At this point, it still is...)

This year, as you decided to go to the waterfall instead of the pirate-boat party I originally planned for (good timing though, because it was cloudy and you had a cough)…I am continually amazed at how things turn out much better than I could have ever imagined them to be if I just follow your lead.

We went to Palo Maria this time around. Walking with a master-teacher of mine from long before you were born, I thanked the Gods once again by honoring your days in the Waters that bring Life.

Hold my hand now, Little One!
   Flesh from my flesh,
      Spirit from the Heavens
   My Living Prayer and Dream…
Lead us back to the garden from which you sprang.

Everyday is a Holi-day

One thing I love about Mexico is that there is always a reason to party/have a long weekend/laze around.J

I started writing this on Cinco de Mayo. From what I gather, in the US it is celebrated quite massively (big parties, barbeques/carne asadas etc). Some people even think its Mexico‘s Independence Day (it’s not)…I’m not entirely sure as I never lived this Gringo-American way of celebrating this day myself, but here in Mexico, 5 de Mayo is simply the day the Mexicans kicked the French in the ass.

Another one that just passed was Labor Day, celebrated almost all over the world on May 1^st. This year it fell on a Thursday (Silio, last day of the Mayan week), but instead they moved the non-working/no-school day to Friday (Dali, first day of the Mayan week). And then there was Saturday (Seli) and Sunday (Gamma), plus 5 de Mayo…so it may have actually been a mega-long weekend and I didn’t even realize it! :S Oh the joys of not using the Gregorian calendar!J

Anyway, my favourite of these last couple of celebratory days was April 30^th, el Día Del Niño - Children’s Day. This is another tradition I didn’t grow up with myself, because while in the Philippines everyday there is also a fiesta somewhere in its 7,109 islands, we don’t necessarily have Araw ng Kabataan. (We probably should though…)

As a Mom, it was so heart-warming to see and experience Día Del Niño celebrated! On this ONE DAY out of the whole year, The Children are so warmly recognized and acknowledged for Who They Are by all the grown-ups around them. Suddenly, everybody else aside from their parents makes it known to them that we are celebrating their loving and happy Child-prEssence Here, Now. It doesn’t matter if they spilled milk on the newly laundered sheets, or that they wrote their name on the mural wall (or tried to, anyway)…

On this day, they know that the whole world loves and accepts them Just The Way They Are. No need for correction, direction, or instruction. Just their smile is enough.

Ananta was so surprised to have been greeted by one of the cabbies that wait in line at the park’s taxi stand!J My heart melted when she looked up to me afterwards, and with her eyes saying “he greeted me, Mom!”

Yes, Love. Today I am not the only one that sees You.

My wish is for everyone that crosses your path to always see the Love from your smile and Light from your eyes, and may you always live in that place of fantasy and dreams, love and wonder, simplicity and contentment.

Every day should be Children’s Day. There would be so much more joy and laughter in the world if it was.

Every day should be Earth Day too (April 22^nd). There would be so much more Peace and Prosperity in The World if it was.

My wish is for Every One on Earth to always remember that this planet is a Living Being (her name is Gaia).

May you, Mama Earth, always be magical and mysterious, nurturing and knowing, evolving and wise.

Ananta.
Gaia.

You mean the world to me.

Tenth Moon: Planetary Moon of Manifestation (April 4-May 1)
Totem animal: Dog

How do I perfect what I do?

1. Keep on doing what you’re doing

2. Honor your Home

3. Spend Time wisely

4. Be Free

5. Make Time for You

6. Gather your strength and inspiration, then create

7. Rest

8. Party! J

9. Be flexible

10. Get excited about plans for the future

11. BE happy, DO what you want/need to/can, HAVE Faith+fun

12. Revel in the Mystery

13. Knock all problems out

14. Reach out

15. Endings mean the possibility of a New Beginning – Good Friday

16. Remember that you are Love, and you are loved

17. Blaze it and praise it – 4.20 + Easter Sunday

18. Hold your ground

19. Always be aware that you are part of Something Bigger – Earth Day (April 22^nd)

20. Be open to suggestions/be open to change

21. Be brave

22. Make it beautiful

23. Make it happen

24. 

25. Do nothing, feel everything

26. 

27. Celebrate the Child Inside – Mexico’s Día del Niño (April 30^th)

28. Work it – Labor Day (May 1^st)

Reflections on Intention and Purpose

Any manifestation is an image or vision synchronized by the synchronic order. -- Star Traveler’s 13 Moon Almanac of Synchronicity, Cosmic History Chronicles quote for M10.21, Yellow Resonant Warrior:

I channel in order to question

Inspiring fearlessness

I seal the output of intelligence

With the resonant tone of attunement

I am guided by the power of elegance

I am a galactic activation portal, enter me.

Indeed, the days and the planets have lined up as such so that this transmission may come through…

I actually typed this list out a while ago, but only now am I able to bring it all together into this way. Not only is today Silio (the 7^th day of the week), a day when we discharge all the energies built up during the past 6 days,  it also happens to be a Galactic Activation Portal - a day with a high flow of galactic energies; plus today is the same kin as one of the 13 signs appearing on the sarcophagus lid of Pacal Votan. (I don’t know what that means exactly, but if it is emphasized in the Almanac then it must be big. :) )

Since I have been contemplating the astrology of these days a lot recently (full moon, lunar eclipse, Mars-Jupiter-Uranos-Pluto Grand Cross, etc), and it all seems to be about holding your ground, embracing change, and staying centered (which, at the end of the day, is important regardless the planetary alignments - says the cynical voice in me :) ), I felt that it was about time that I picked up on these moonly posts again.

Today, last one of the 3^rd week of the 10^th moon, I share my responses to last moon’s guide question, HOW DO I ATTAIN MY PURPOSE?

In the meantime, things have been leading me to having internet at home. (Makes sense…how can you be a successful blogger without having a constant connection, right? Ha! :) ) First the fancy storage boxes, then dinner table and now this…I seem to be in some kind of home-improvement mood! LOL.

On the one hand I am excited about what that kind of connectivity might bring, on the other I am afraid of getting distracted such easy access to folly and mindlessness. :S

Still no concrete vacation plans as yet. :| The dates may change, or where we’ll go and what we‘ll do, but I still feel strongly about paying homage to The Elders…

Jaguar Moon 9 of Intention (March 7^th - April 3^rd)

How do I attain my purpose?

1. Just do it

2. Do what needs to be done

3. Take charge

4. Set out to accomplish what you’ve been wishing for - Nogalito with Miguel & lil’A <3 <3 <3

5. Live life to the fullest - In loving memory of Moddie’s passing over the Rainbow Bridge

6. Relish compliments received - Signed Solo Work contract!!!

7. Share your gifts - Told family and friends about Poems forConflicted Hearts, then Rooftop Yoga with T

8. Celebrate simple nothings - Fri-date with Ananta at creppes place (creppes not as great as last time, but she was Divine!)

9. Express our little Heart out

10. See the beauty of every moment - Incredible sky-show as I was incredibly late for work

11. Trust - Mixto Temazcal with Ananta…who stayed 2 rounds and led a couple of songs inside The Womb! <3 <3 <3

12. Act - Acro-Yoga workshop day #1

13. Rock It - Office-closer for the night…and aced it! :)

14. Empower yourself - Acro-Yoga strength training class…I am stronger than I thought!!!

15. Count your blessings - Welcome, Spring!!!

16. See the signs - Bonding session with Momma-San, talking about movement and such :)

17. Get shit done

18. Flow

19. Give Love, Receive Love - Acro-Yoga massage lesson

20. Rest

21. The key to living your purpose is giving yourself permission to be yourself - Tattoo #2...and #3!!! :D :D :D

22. Spend some quality time with loved ones

23. Reach out - See where new connections lead to

24. Pray and be prayed for - Joined Bible study at Mom’s :S (No need to push Jesus on me buddy...we're already friends. Peace, Yo!)

25. Make conversation - Churro+chai with an unusual suspect

26. Be biologically active information (prophecy) - My cumple-kin…Red Planetary Skywalker

27. Reflect on and release the past - Since the moon is about to end + I am nearing the last pages of my journal…

28. Connect with the Now and look forward to the future

Contemplating Angels

So the Mother of the “Doobie-Brothers” that live across the office passed away the other day. That’s what we call the guys from out front that sell Herb and other stuff…thanks to them Sunday mornings smell sweet, making the day coast along like the waves.
God knows if they also consume the rest of the shit they deal; they've been busted by the cops a couple of times - white pick-up with  bright blue and red lights to match, but as far as I know they've never been disrespectful to any of us girls at work.

The day after the First Night of Mourning,  one of them was sitting on the stairs on the street leading up to our building. He was wearing the same black sunglasses he regularly uses to cover his blood-shot, sparkling eyes…that day, I’m sure that no matter how much he smoked there wouldn't have been any glitter in them at all. :(

As I walked up the stairs, bashfully asking for permission to pass, I stammered into asking about the Doña; he nodded and say yes. I asked about the little girl, his 4-year old daughter that his mother takes care off - he said she was fine; so I asked about him, and of course he said he was the same.Then, an awkward milli-second where despite deeply feeling his pain, all that came out of my mouth was “buen día”.

Really?

Good day??
How the hell do you expect him to have a good one on the day his mom dies of cancer???

Nice one, Andy! Whose smoking crack now? :|
Geez.

Upon entering the office, I immediately asked the girls how one expresses their condolences in Mexican street talk. There were a lot of suggested formal expressions, but none of them seemed to convey what I would've wanted to say.
EPIC FAIL!

5 minutes after, still not being able to get over of how such an idiot I was, I clipped a fully bloomed yellow rose from one of the office plants, opened the gate and walked back to where The Neighbor was sitting…

“Perdón, no sabía que decir más temprano. Pero tal vez pueden poner esto en el altar de su Mamá…lo siento mucho.”
(“Excuse me, I didn't know what to say earlier. But maybe you can put this flower on your Mother’s altar...I’m really sorry.”)

He said thank you, and I went back to work.

Nope.

Definitely wasn't the typical neighborly exchange, but it was much more genuine and heartfelt than most of the conversations I've had all week. For a moment, their tabloid-worthy narco-story was a non-issue; all of a sudden the judgement melted away and they were just another family that lost a mother, wife, and grandmother.
So what if they have a not-so-clandestine illegal drug-store operating from home? 

At the end of the day, weren't they just Humans suffering pain and loss?

At least for now, how they make a living is irrelevant.
RIP to the Doña from across the street.

~8~

My first experience of death within the family (that I remember about anyway) was when my grandfather died. Lolo - gramps in Filipino. Jose Molina Alberto.

I don't remember what I was told about what was truly UP, or what was going on…what of Death, After Life. I do remember being SOOO chicken-shit about ghosts though.
(TRUE STORY! Parts of the scariest movies I've ever seen? I have learned to delete from my mind, but only after feeling intense fear of whatever the heck it was in the first place! :Ç)

~8~

I first had to explain death to Ananta at 3.
Our cat Pushkin died. (He was murdered, actually - by the biggest tomcat in the neighborhood. Another TRUE STORY)

I told her Pushkin died, which means we wouldn't be seeing his body any longer. So what will happen is, his body Will Go Back to the Earth, and his Spirit? It will go to the Sky, where Great Spirit Is.

(Great Spirit is The One that gives Life to All - the bushes, bugs, birds, beasts etc…Everything that lives has a Spirit, and it all comes from Hunab Ku, where Great Spirit lives. )

So, we can be sad for a moment, but its more beautiful to remember our departed loved ones**, because that’s when they Live On Forever in our Hearts, and become Angels!

**This is what I love about Mexico! They celebrate the Day of the Dead - celebrate as in fiesta! Food, flowers, mariachi…it could be the whole shebang! Or simply, making a colorful altar with pictures and offerings to Nuestros Muertitos (Our Beloved Dead) - which they did in playschool, thankfully! Because I didn't grow up with that tradition.

~8~

So today It Came To Me that remembering our Ancestors is a practice that I should be inculcating into my Little One…

Ancestors.
AKA Dead Loved Ones.
But also, The Living Elders.

Los Abuel@s
Si Lol@
(AKA Grandma and Gramps)
Including Ti@s. Padrinos. Madrinas. (siiii! lets visit the Madrinas!!!)

Which means, I think that’s what we should be doing for her birthday!!!! The idea is to do something for the first time, so it will be better remembered…

Her 4th.
(Already?! I know! Damn…)

On her 3rd it was dolphins, this year let it be the rest of the animal kingdom! A museum trip! And remembering my Abuelos, her bis-abuelos from my side.
(I´m so grateful that she´s met her bis-abuela Hilda from E´s side!)

Mmm…
It doesn't hurt to dream out loud and ask for help from our Ancestors and Angels, right? ;)

Mami, tengo una idea (I have an idea)... - quoting the Master

I have an idea.
It came to me in the shower.

In my first Akashic reading done by Jen Freer, my MOTL's said I hear them more if I am in/near water. It must be a good idea then...

A&a art.

Coming soon...

Reflections on the 7th Moon

Monkey Moon 7 of Attunement (Jan10th-Feb6th)
How can I attune my Service to others?

1. Take a Sacred Pause - 10 days into the Gregorian Year, I finally took some time to reflect on the year past. It was a simple meditation offered by Shakti expert Lisa Schrader, and given that I was feeling stressed about not having done anything related yet + high season was especially busy for me this year, it was super welcome + comforting. <3 If you have not done something similar…it is never too late! No way you can serve others if you can’t even be there for yourself…

(Take some time to ask your Self the following questions:
What worked for you in 2013/what were your wins?
What were the Dark Moments of 2013 that you would like to honor?
What wants to move on/go forward/evolve and what needs to be left behind/buried/let go?)

2. Come clean - having grown tired of an internal battle about not being true to my feelings, I came clean to my Self about what my Heart truly longs for. Plus points for being truthful to one other! :)

3. Feel into It - more than just declaring what you desire…I've learned that cultivating the feeling of already being/doing/having what you desire is important. Ask yourself: how would it feel to be/do/have what I want? Its like an emotional visualization of sorts…

4. Take action - (­I am not a life coach/wellness expert nor do I pretend to be one with these reflections. This is just a way for me to internalize and express my experiences because personally that’s how I learn better) It doesn't serve anyone for you not to evolve…baby steps are better than staying where you are.

5. Know and love yourself first - had a date with Me. :) I love my own company! <3

6. Get looney if you must - full moon, yo…woohoo!

7. Re-connect with what makes your Heart swell - after noticing how short-tempered + impatient I had been, a little bit (a lot) of QT with lil’A + Yoga + writing was in order. This is why I was born…YES!

8. Check off your To Be-Do-Have list - unlike the regular To Do list, which always focuses on what you have to do to be able to be or have something, this one first looks at who you need to beto be able to do or have what is required/desired.

9.

10.

11. Do your Home-work - after 2 particularly stressful days, I finally went head to head with my most unwanted chore: mopping. :S Didn't particularly enjoy it, but felt great after. lil'A helped out too. :)

12. Remember what you’ve learned (and apply!!!) - re-read old journals…so much wisdom in re-visiting the past (note: no need to re-live, just re-visit)

13. Take a break - slept early and woke up “late“! Releasing the pressure to perform is a miracle drug!

14.

15.

16. Be brave - Papa’s 69th!!! Wish I was home…

17. Be clear about what you want to experience - Sun-date with lil’A that didn’t exactly turn out how I wanted it to be because I kept on changing my mind about what to do. :S

18. Nourish your Soul - Having learned quickly from the day before, threw plans out the window and had a great day. :) Pedi-spa + wine-holder shopping + kirtan with Little A. <3 

19. Rest

20. Acknowledge your feelings - Without having to know why or wanting to fix it, just sat down with my gloomy self for an evening…

21. Be content with What Is

22. Honor What Was

23. Be grateful for What Will Be

24. Share your experience and listen to your own wisdom - chit-chatted with a new co-worker and shared a piece of Me…listening to myself talk was an unexpected learning experience. (Sometimes, you just have to hear yourself speak your truth out loud, and then you’ll see the wisdom of your own story.)

25. Protect yourself, from yourself if needed - Ganesha kirtan with didgeridoo (woohoo!)

26. Get informed - started big-school/official-kinder hunting…

27. Take note of who is receptive - sent out an SOS…

28. Show up for you and yours - lil’A & I checked out another school option…a bilingual Montessori that is walking distance from home and within my economic reach. THANK YOU! Loved how I was able to be more myself as a parent there…looks like I've found the one!

hello 2014

A whole month and 2 days into this year already.
Shit.
That was quick! I only just had the chance to reflect on 2013 two flippin' days ago!
But heck, we all have our own personal rhythm of creation, don't we? So good on you if on January 1st you already knew exactly how the rest of 2014 is going to pan out! And if not, that's cool too. :)

Sometime in the last week Ananta & I had our first ideal day of the year <3
I woke up early (6.30am), hummed, practiced Yoga, made a vegan breakfast before my Little One woke up, had fresh fruit first thing, drew/learned about underwater creatures and their English translations, enjoyed said breakfast, took lil'A's bike out, went to a "new" park for the first time, played on the swing and slide, geared up for daycare/work without drama...all of that and still made it to the office with time to spare. :)
(FYI, the rest of the days prior were somewhat neurotic, slightly stressful, and of the shoot-me-now kind)
BLISS.
Cheers for days just like that (and even better), and to those that are yet to come!!!

So how did I manage such a big turn around?
Because days prior I was bordering depression, feeling defeated, somewhat uncomfortable and pretty much living blah-ly.

To be honest, I didn't really DO anything. Or consciously make an effort to be un-blah anyway.

But after deciding that I didn't really enjoy wallowing in the muck of blah-ness, I decided that whatever floats my boat flows.
So..days prior, since I had a pedicure-spa gift certificate that was expiring soon, I went to get myself pampered. And because I had an e-money Christmas card that I hadn't used yet, I got myself the wine-holder I've been wanting. And since humming makes my Heart sing, that's how I started my day. And so on, and so forth.

Pretty soon I am getting this or something like it tattooed on my right wrist. (Valentines gift to self)

I want it to be a reminder for how I want the rest of my year to be.
Drastic? Maybe so. But it wouldn't hurt to be reminded to Be True to my Self for the rest of my life either.
Wouldn't hurt at all.