4 years in

4 days ago, 4 years of Motherhood.
<3 <3 <3 <3
Ananta Malaya…how you've grown!!!!

I still remember the day you were born…I always will.
A week past your estimated “due date” (as if you were some kind of scientific paper to be submitted, or a book to be returned), I was still very much pregnant!
But you knew better. In your own time, you came. You were out in 3 pushes…we made a good team!
I reckon the excitement of having watched your first movie with your Papi & I (Avatar) prodded you to come out…you are growing up to be quite the movie-buff just like him!

On your first year of life we celebrated you on the banks of the Nogalito River. A lovely Priestess honored us by officiating your water ceremony. You…our bouncing Buddha-baby, that same day baptized, were surrounded by a Circle of Love and Blessings from me - your Mami, Papi, your beloved family, and godparents. (The after-party was at your padrino Edgar’s pool.)

Year 2 came by quickly…no longer a baby for bidding the bottle and diaper goodbye, and yet, you were still barely a young child! This time we had lunch, cake and some pool-time in a cafe called Co-Exist. Indeed, as we opened our Hearts and Home to another, we learned how to that year.

At 3, once again just you & I, the world changed as words came pouring in. You could already speak your name, recognize 3 tongues, and you delighted in knowing what everything was. You had your first piñata party at day-care (with candy giveaways to match…so much sugar, oh my!), and just you and I…we swam with a dolphin and played at the (water)park.

This year you turned 4.

Four. 
The most basic measure of the natural cycles of time; the defining structure of any natural construct.

You are now complete within yourself, defining your own reality through fantasy and play. You now bring your creative visions into existence by defining the form in which they are to be constructed. Eg: This is how the game goes - the meerkat (whom you lovingly Zorrito, when it is really a suricata) is best friends with the cow (whose name is Vaquita, of course); or in this story, the kitten hatches from an egg and isn't born from the Mommy-Cat.

My gentle, Little Warrior…you are growing up to be bolder day by day! You can discern between choices now, and have certain preferences sometimes different than mine! How lovely it is to see! (At this point, it still is...)

This year, as you decided to go to the waterfall instead of the pirate-boat party I originally planned for (good timing though, because it was cloudy and you had a cough)…I am continually amazed at how things turn out much better than I could have ever imagined them to be if I just follow your lead.

We went to Palo Maria this time around. Walking with a master-teacher of mine from long before you were born, I thanked the Gods once again by honoring your days in the Waters that bring Life.

Hold my hand now, Little One!
   Flesh from my flesh,
      Spirit from the Heavens
   My Living Prayer and Dream…
Lead us back to the garden from which you sprang.

Reflections on the 7th Moon

Monkey Moon 7 of Attunement (Jan10th-Feb6th)
How can I attune my Service to others?

1. Take a Sacred Pause - 10 days into the Gregorian Year, I finally took some time to reflect on the year past. It was a simple meditation offered by Shakti expert Lisa Schrader, and given that I was feeling stressed about not having done anything related yet + high season was especially busy for me this year, it was super welcome + comforting. <3 If you have not done something similar…it is never too late! No way you can serve others if you can’t even be there for yourself…

(Take some time to ask your Self the following questions:
What worked for you in 2013/what were your wins?
What were the Dark Moments of 2013 that you would like to honor?
What wants to move on/go forward/evolve and what needs to be left behind/buried/let go?)

2. Come clean - having grown tired of an internal battle about not being true to my feelings, I came clean to my Self about what my Heart truly longs for. Plus points for being truthful to one other! :)

3. Feel into It - more than just declaring what you desire…I've learned that cultivating the feeling of already being/doing/having what you desire is important. Ask yourself: how would it feel to be/do/have what I want? Its like an emotional visualization of sorts…

4. Take action - (­I am not a life coach/wellness expert nor do I pretend to be one with these reflections. This is just a way for me to internalize and express my experiences because personally that’s how I learn better) It doesn't serve anyone for you not to evolve…baby steps are better than staying where you are.

5. Know and love yourself first - had a date with Me. :) I love my own company! <3

6. Get looney if you must - full moon, yo…woohoo!

7. Re-connect with what makes your Heart swell - after noticing how short-tempered + impatient I had been, a little bit (a lot) of QT with lil’A + Yoga + writing was in order. This is why I was born…YES!

8. Check off your To Be-Do-Have list - unlike the regular To Do list, which always focuses on what you have to do to be able to be or have something, this one first looks at who you need to beto be able to do or have what is required/desired.

9.

10.

11. Do your Home-work - after 2 particularly stressful days, I finally went head to head with my most unwanted chore: mopping. :S Didn't particularly enjoy it, but felt great after. lil'A helped out too. :)

12. Remember what you’ve learned (and apply!!!) - re-read old journals…so much wisdom in re-visiting the past (note: no need to re-live, just re-visit)

13. Take a break - slept early and woke up “late“! Releasing the pressure to perform is a miracle drug!

14.

15.

16. Be brave - Papa’s 69th!!! Wish I was home…

17. Be clear about what you want to experience - Sun-date with lil’A that didn’t exactly turn out how I wanted it to be because I kept on changing my mind about what to do. :S

18. Nourish your Soul - Having learned quickly from the day before, threw plans out the window and had a great day. :) Pedi-spa + wine-holder shopping + kirtan with Little A. <3 

19. Rest

20. Acknowledge your feelings - Without having to know why or wanting to fix it, just sat down with my gloomy self for an evening…

21. Be content with What Is

22. Honor What Was

23. Be grateful for What Will Be

24. Share your experience and listen to your own wisdom - chit-chatted with a new co-worker and shared a piece of Me…listening to myself talk was an unexpected learning experience. (Sometimes, you just have to hear yourself speak your truth out loud, and then you’ll see the wisdom of your own story.)

25. Protect yourself, from yourself if needed - Ganesha kirtan with didgeridoo (woohoo!)

26. Get informed - started big-school/official-kinder hunting…

27. Take note of who is receptive - sent out an SOS…

28. Show up for you and yours - lil’A & I checked out another school option…a bilingual Montessori that is walking distance from home and within my economic reach. THANK YOU! Loved how I was able to be more myself as a parent there…looks like I've found the one!

hello 2014

A whole month and 2 days into this year already.
Shit.
That was quick! I only just had the chance to reflect on 2013 two flippin' days ago!
But heck, we all have our own personal rhythm of creation, don't we? So good on you if on January 1st you already knew exactly how the rest of 2014 is going to pan out! And if not, that's cool too. :)

Sometime in the last week Ananta & I had our first ideal day of the year <3
I woke up early (6.30am), hummed, practiced Yoga, made a vegan breakfast before my Little One woke up, had fresh fruit first thing, drew/learned about underwater creatures and their English translations, enjoyed said breakfast, took lil'A's bike out, went to a "new" park for the first time, played on the swing and slide, geared up for daycare/work without drama...all of that and still made it to the office with time to spare. :)
(FYI, the rest of the days prior were somewhat neurotic, slightly stressful, and of the shoot-me-now kind)
BLISS.
Cheers for days just like that (and even better), and to those that are yet to come!!!

So how did I manage such a big turn around?
Because days prior I was bordering depression, feeling defeated, somewhat uncomfortable and pretty much living blah-ly.

To be honest, I didn't really DO anything. Or consciously make an effort to be un-blah anyway.

But after deciding that I didn't really enjoy wallowing in the muck of blah-ness, I decided that whatever floats my boat flows.
So..days prior, since I had a pedicure-spa gift certificate that was expiring soon, I went to get myself pampered. And because I had an e-money Christmas card that I hadn't used yet, I got myself the wine-holder I've been wanting. And since humming makes my Heart sing, that's how I started my day. And so on, and so forth.

Pretty soon I am getting this or something like it tattooed on my right wrist. (Valentines gift to self)

I want it to be a reminder for how I want the rest of my year to be.
Drastic? Maybe so. But it wouldn't hurt to be reminded to Be True to my Self for the rest of my life either.
Wouldn't hurt at all.